Paranoia En Extremis, Plus Laughs : “The Antifa Super-Soldier Cookbook”

There’s this profoundly goofy, pathetic, and intellectually impotent notion on the political right that Antifa is some grand top-down organization, hell-bent on destroying the so-called “American way of life,” flush with cash from George Soros and other “globalist” (i.e. Jewish) donors, and lurking in the shadows within every institution just waiting for the right moment to pull the string and bring society to its knees on behalf of its “Marxist” overlords.

It’s absurd on its face, of course — but also entirely emblematic of the kind of shared fever-swamp delusion that has become the right’s stock in trade ever since they elevated a six-times-bankrupt, syphilitic, failed game show host/con man to cult leader status. Of course you’d have to be dumber than a festering, putrefying nine-ton sack of pigshit to believe it (hell, Trump’s own FBI director said Antifa was “an ideology, not an organization”), but ya know what? I’m still waiting for any kind of definitive proof that the average American conservative is, in fact, any more intelligent than a festering, putrefying, nine-ton sack of pigshit. To date, none has been forthcoming.

Still, just for shits n’ giggles, why not imagine that the toothless cousin-fucking contingent is right? Such is the premise of cartoonist Matt Lubchansky’s amusing new slim little book from Silver Sprocket, The Antifa Super-Soldier Cookbook, an admittedly earnest-on-its-face read that takes aim at the low-hanging intellectual fruit of modern-day conservatism in such a jovial manner that even the most permanently-aggrieved far right “culture warrior” might be able to get a kick out of it — if only utter immunity to both self-awareness and hypocrisy weren’t pre-requisites to being a functioning conservative these days. In other words, if you truly believe that a) the police are your friends, and b) straight white Christian men are the most persecuted demographic around in today’s world, then you’re probably better off avoiding this comic. If, however, you’re a rational and well-adjusted human being, then you’ll probably get a solid kick out of it.

The particulars here are as follows : Antifa shit-disturber par excellence Max Marx, having proven his mettle in the never-ending battle against capitalism, gender, suburbia, carnivorousness, and free expression, has been “augmented” and is taking his Captain America-in-a-hoodie act to Earle University, where “central casting” right-wing grifter/social media superstar Adonis Asproulis is all set to open young impressionable minds to the boundless possibilities of freedom and happiness offered by laissez-faire capitalism guided by the wise magnanimity of our corporate betters. Marx’s mission : why, to “deplatform” and “cancel” Asproulis before he can turn a campus full of socialists-in-training into flag-waving defenders of liberty — and hey, if they have to bump off a few members of Big City PD, including Clint Eastwood wannabe Sgt. Paul O’Shea, then so be it. ACAB and all that, amirite?

At this point it probably goes without saying that if you’re looking for subtle, this ain’t the place, but it also goes without saying that these are hardly subtle times we live in. In fact, this book is so decidedly OTT that a QAnon type could very well read it and believe it’s the real thing — although they might wonder where the infant-blood-drinking Democrat pedophiles are. Still, for those of us who don’t buy into the absurd-on-its-face notion that the biggest killjoys are to be found on the left side of the political ledger (last I checked, for instance, no left-winger was seriously proposing that all their ideological enemies be rounded up, shipped off to Gitmo, tortured, and then summarily executed without trial, which is at the core of the Q-crowd’s “belief” system), it’s nice to be able to demonstrate as much with something that wears it’s heart on its sleeve this openly. Let the MAGA asshats decry the “hidden agenda” in popular media all they wish — Lubchansky, to his credit. doesn’t have anything to hide.

In fairness, however, he could stand to refine his cartooning just a bit. There’s nothing here I’d call “substandard,” much less actively “bad,” but his style isn’t necessarily all that distinctive, either. He adheres pretty closely to a (certainly competent) style of “classically funny” illustration that suits his tone and subject matter just fine, but doesn’t do much to separate itself from a lot of what you’ll find on, say, The Nib. It’s effective, but not especially memorable — which is a mild criticism on its face, sure, but who knows? It may be just enough to get me expelled from the Antifa-run revolutionary training academy, and then what will I do? Suck it up and work for “The Man” until I can finally afford a 4,500-square foot McMansion on some soulless cul-de-sac? I guess when that day comes, I can invite you all over on a Saturday (early) evening to cook steaks on the Weber, but not until the “tyrants” in power “liberate” us from these masking and social distancing rules — and if you show up in a hoodie, you can turn your hybrid right around and go back to your commie masters. Tell ’em this is one proud ‘Murcan patriot who don’t welcome no traitors into his home! These colors don’t run!!!!

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The Antif Super-Soldier Cookbook is available for $14.99 from the Silver Sprocket website at https://store.silversprocket.net/products/the-antifa-super-soldier-cookbook-by-matt-lubchansky

Review wrist check – Raven “Trekker 39” yellow dial/black bezel model riding Raven’s factory-issue stainless steel bracelet. Admittedly, I keep this on a NATO most of the time, but every so often I like to mix things up some, and this bracelet actually is as solidly-constructed as it is comfortable.